The F word

My son got in trouble at Jazzercise daycare for saying "F***er." I'm so embarrassed. He got that one from me. I've got a bit of a potty mouth. Ok a pretty good one. I'm able to control it in polite company, but when I'm relaxed I really let it go. I was a dispatcher for a trucking company for a while, and that is when I really started cussing a lot. Now that I'm married to a truck driver, well, it's not really helping the situation.

So the daycare lady told me he said that and I did a major face palm. At home when he says those words I say "don't say that it's a grown up word." Obviously that's not cutting it. Besides the fact that I have a really hard time not laughing or at least cracking a smile when he blurts out "oh shit" with perfect timing isn't helping anything. My kids love an audience.

The problem is I don't know if this is irreversible or not. I told Byron that I will try not to say those words if he tries not to say them too. We'll do it together. But it isn't going to be easy! I *heart* the F word. I just do. As a kid I heard both my parents cuss, and my mom has a few stories about how I embarrassed her with my inopportune use of the words. So I guess paybacks really are a bitch. (See I just cussed. DOH!) Then as I grew up I didn't use those words until I was pretty much grown, and if I did it was never in front of adults. So somewhere along the lines I learned how to keep my mouth shut at the right times.

So there's another challenge for myself this year. Stop cussing. Okay, only when I get hurt. How hard is it going to be to not say "OUCH! F**K!" when I stub my toe? That's just a natural reaction. You have to say it then. Or what about when you are carrying a load of groceries into the house and the bag breaks and a jar of spaghetti sauce shatters all over the damn (DOH) place ? You have to say "SHIT!" It's just how it's done. Right? What do people who don't cuss say in those situations? Don't tell me they say "shoot" or "fudge," because those are basically the same thing, or so I've been told. Maybe I'll start saying what Thomas says "CINDERS AND ASHES!" Or how about "CHEESE AND CRACKERS!" Is it acceptable to just say the letter of the word? Like "F that! That's BS!"

So many rules...

Hey I just thought of a good original one "SALT & VINEGAR CHIPS!" "TOILET SCRUBBER!" (That's a really dirty one.) Got any ideas for more?

Advice From Every Angle

I was watching a rerun of Oprah today all about how rude people are these days. I totally agree, but I think that sometimes we are rude unintentionally. Especially as mothers. I mean, as a mother it's hard not to try to force your ideas on someone else. There is a difference between giving advice, and making the other mom feel like a failure. I have had a few of these recently.

1) Potty training. I already know that my son is almost 3 and isn't potty trained, but for some reason people remind me of this constantly. I will see someone I haven't seen in a while, and they say "did you get Byron all potty trained now?" And I of course reply with "not yet, I've tried everything." "BUT HE'S ALMOST 3, " they say. Really?! I had no idea my son has a birthday coming up. I labored 36hrs to push that kid out of my loins, but can't remember what day it was on. Thanks for reminding me! Besides, it's not for lack of trying! Some children are just stubborn. Mine is one of those stubborn kids. Probably one day he will just walk up to me and say "mother I'm ready to use the lavatory" and we will never look back. In the meantime, I have to hear "BUT HE'S ALMOST 3" every time I see someone who asks me this question.

2) Sleeping through the night. Honestly, like I want my child to wake up every 2 hours to nurse. Again I hear "she's old enough to be sleeping through the night now." Okaaaay, but she's not. What do you want me to do? I'm not going to drug a 6 month old. I don't have the nerves at that hour of night to let her cry for 30 min. I can handle 5 or maybe 10, but I'm too soft to go much longer. "Feed her rice cereal before bed," they say. Sure, if I could get her to swallow it that might help. Which leads me to...

3) Solid foods. At 4 months people started asking me if I was feeding her solids yet. Which I wasn't for 3 reasons. 1) I didn't feed them to my son until 6 months 2) I don't see the necessity in feeding them pulverized rice 3) Nursing is easier. Now that she has reached 6 months I've tried every 1st food without success, until yesterday she wouldn't swallow any of it. Which goes to show that my kids will not be pushed. They will do things in their own time.

I think the same is true for many things about motherhood and family life in general. I have my own little system of things. I only put my kids on a loose schedule. I don't feed solids until 6 months. I think breastfeeding is the bees knees. I put my kids to bed before 8pm if possible. I use a bullpen full of discipline techniques. But, these things don't work well for everyone. So when I give advice I TRY to be nonchalant about it. I don't want to sound like a know-it-all, because I'm not.

This is not to say that if I hear a good suggestion I don't try it out. I do! Some work and some don't, but I think delivery of the advice is important.

To Potty or not to Potty?

My son will be 30 months (2.5 yrs) next Tuesday. Over the last year and a half I have tried several times to introduce the idea of using a potty. The first time I tried he did great for about 2 days, but then decided he didn't want to use the potty anymore. So now here we are still wearing diapers. I feel pressure as a SAHM to have this taken care of already. Kids younger than him are potty trained already, but I haven't given it another go in months. Here are my current list of excuses:


1) He really doesn't seem interested. He won't even let me change him when he poops yet. *BIG SIGH*


2) We have a trip to go on next week. (This is legit people...I don't want him having accidents all the way to Iowa!)


3) I'm waiting for summer.


4) Potty training is disgusting. This one is a biggie. I am not excited about poop getting smeared all over the place, and my son peeing on his sister. Oh and the worst is when you don't see the poop until it's too late...and you walk in on the dogs "cleaning it up." *GAG* *HACK* *COUGH* *GAG*



I'm trying to get myself psyched up for round 3, but it's really hard. Especially when you see other moms in the store with their toddler and the tot says "mommy potty!" Which we all know means you have like 30 seconds to get them to the bathroom before they have an accident. I saw this lady at the store today with that dilemma. She was all the way over by the groceries, and had to make it half way across the store...I wonder if she did. Better her than me!


But now that I'm writing this I have the strange urge to start trying to train him again. I must be crazy. I better stalk up on M & Ms...

Been There Done That!

Today was gorgeous! It was close to 80 degrees and no wind. So, I called my friend and asked her if she wanted to meet us at the park. She has a son that is 13 months old. We had fun at the park, and then decided to go get a bite to eat. Of course we were all starving by the time we got to the restaurant, and our waitress took a long time to ask for our order. So the baby started fussing, and I had to nurse her. Then Byron started in on his "I can't sit still" routine. I wanted to scream at the waitress "BRING US FOOD OR SUFFER THE CONSEQUENCES." She finally came and took our order, and brought out the kids soup. Once we started eating the kids calmed down, so we could chat and eat our salads.
When I say calm down it is a relative term according to age. My friend's son is as that age where he throws everything and likes to bang on the table. He got more food on the floor than in his mouth, and decided to take a loud poo while we were eating. You know the usual 13 month stuff! So throughout the meal I kept chuckling about the things he was doing, and assuring her it wasn't a big deal. As moms we have all been there! We get that anxious feeling that everyone in the restaurant is looking at our child and saying "she's a horrible mother!" We're afraid that at any moment the record will scratch to a stop and the whole restaurant will say, in unison, "get that kid out of here."
We've all been there, so I couldn't help but laugh a little. Not because I think it's funny that she is embarrassed, but because I've been embarrassed too. I've wanted to crawl under the table or just walk away and say "I don't know who's kid that is...jeez what a brat!" My husband and I took to leaving an extra big tip when our son created a huge mess of crumpled and spit out food on the floor or if he was just being exceptionally difficult.
It's just par for the course! My time is coming again in less than a year, but I think this time I'll be too tired to care. I'll probably be glad that we're out to eat so someone else can clean up the spit up food. Although, the dogs do a pretty darn good job. My little Hoovers as I call them.

The calm

What is it in your face sometimes that tells your children you are about to snap at any moment? Today my son made me to mad that I couldn't even yell. I was just eerily calm. I came downstairs to this huge mess, and something in side me snapped, but instead of yelling. I went and got my camera and took a picture of it (although the picture doesn't do it justice...every game was dumped out a mixed with the others.) Then I asked my son to come stand in front of me as I kneeled, and look me in the eyes. I explained to him that Mommy was very angry, and he knows he's not supposed to get into those games. Then I told him to go to his room, and get this...he went! He never goes to his room of his own free will! BOY I must have had a crazy look in my eyes. I mean looking back on the whole situation; it's not that bad. I don't know why I was so pissed, but he never gets into those things! He knows better, and he didn't just get into them...he couldn't have made any bigger of a mess. It took me a half hour to sort all that apart. Plus, the baby was screaming to nurse during the whole ordeal which raises my blood pressure to astronomical levels anyway.
The crazy part is that all that aside, I looked at both my babies tonight and felt so much love for them that I wanted to burst into tears of joy. Ahhh motherhood...it's like schizophrenia, but no one gives you medication for it.

Free Birth Control

We're going on a personal level here, so if you don't like to hear the word sex you might want to stop reading now.
I just had an IUD put in last week, which I really hope works out for me because I cannot take those hormonal birth controls any more. They make me into a crazed psycho who wants to eat everything salty or sweet in my house. Not good for my diet or my marriage. So I'm crossing my fingers it works out!

Anywho, this post is really about FREE birth control. Your other kids! I mean seriously, since we had the new baby it is really hard to find time to have sex. It pretty much has to be late at night after Byron is asleep and Lillie is napping. The problem with that is that I'm more of an afternoon delight type of person, and don't have much energy at night. On occasion I do, but not usually. So I have to try to force myself to give it a try, and I'm not usually disappointed. Unless the baby starts crying mid-action. Nothing kills the mood faster than those tiny wails.

How do people with 4+ children EVER get pregnant again? Seriously! You'd think that between all the stuff you have to do to take care of them, keeping the house clean (we all know this is easier after they are asleep), and you trying to sleep yourself there would be zero time left for sweet lovin'.

That's why I call my kids free birth control, but I guess they aren't really free since I have to feed, clothe and diaper them. You can also put money on the fact that I'm not using that as my preferred prevention method. NO CHANCES TAKEN HERE!