Sunday, July 11, 2010

Life is Messy

My dear readers:
I so apologize for my absence the last few months.  I have been so busy adjusting to life as a single mommy, and didn't have Internet for a couple of months.  I hope you can still find my posts...

Your blog writin' mom,



I JUST got my Internet set up yesterday, and this morning I sat down at my computer to browse the inter webs thinking "I get to blog again...YAY!"  Then I realized I didn't know what to blog about.  Perhaps I had lost my blogging mind over the chaos of the last few months?  Maybe I just needed to brainstorm for a while and think of something I could make funny?  As any of you know it's not easy to just find any old topic and make it hilarious. There has to be a catalyst to inspired humor.  You literally can't make this shit up, and have it be as funny as real life.  Luckily, my 3 year old has a wonderful way of creating situations to write about.  At the time they're not so funny, but later...yes.

Tonight after dinner I was watching the latest episode of True Blood, while my kids played in their playroom.   My son likes to color, so it's not unusual for him to get into my "pen drawer."  He's usually very good about not getting into anything else.  This time apparently he couldn't help himself but dig through the contents of the drawer and find something more entertaining.

I heard Lillie slip and fall, so I ran in to see if she was okay, and I found a scene that was horrifying for many reasons.  First of all, I rent my house, and the substance was on the floor.  Second of all, it was covering my computer monitor.  Thirdly, my kids were covered in it.  Most importantly, my daughter had a lot of it in her mouth.  Whiteout.

I ran to the living room to get my phone and dial poison control while I'm trying to dig the stuff out of her mouth.  It goes in a liquid and immediately turns into a hardened coating from hell.  Just try to swipe that out of their mouth!  It's stuck in teeth, covering the roof of her mouth, and coating her tongue.  The stuff smells terrible, so I'm expecting dramatics and a rush to the emergency room, but secretly hoping that milk is the cure.

Another stroke of luck...whiteout is NOT poisonous. It's merely an irritant.  And Milk was indeed the cure.  But no one escaped unscathed...not even the dog!

Anyone know how to get whiteout off linoleum? This stuff is NOT coming off.  I had to scrape it off the monitor with my fingernail.  That was so fun.  It's not really working on the floor, so I need a new plan of attack. I've also tried magic erasers (don't worry I didn't use them on the kids like that idiot that burned her kids skin), and fingernail polish remover.  The magic eraser helped on the monitor, but not on the linoleum.  The fingernail polish remover did nothing.  Where's Martha Stewart when you need her?