Tuesday, June 23, 2009

Uncomfortable Situations

For over a week now, I've been having a serious case of writer's block. Probably if I wasn't trying to write a humor blog I would have lots of things to say, but sometimes you just don't feel funny. Lo and behold I went to Spokane again today. This place is a goldmine for blogging apparently. I came back with the idea for 3 different blogs. I'm going to start with this one though, because it is the one I have developed the most in my head.

Here is a list of situations I find uncomfortable. Once again, I encourage you to respond with your similar situations to continue the laughs.

1. Using the bathroom at a restaurant and seeing an employee leave without washing their hands. Eww! This situation is never a good one. It gives you a huge case of the icks. The worst is when you see that AFTER you've eaten your meal and are preparing to leave the restaurant. If you notice before you can still leave before you've been infected with whatever nasty bacteria you could get, but after you've already eaten. Ya, there is no feeling like knowing you might get sick. The ironic part is how often do you get sick at a restaurant that you see a worker not wash their hands? Not often. It's usually a sneak attack when you think you're safe!

2. Sitting in the gynecologist office waiting room. You're just all sitting around knowing your going to get every one's favorite exam. There is no escaping it. Everyone there knows that you're going to have a doctor's face between your legs within minutes of each other. Now that I think about it. It's kind of like your doctor is cheating on you with everyone in the room. We should all be really catty in the waiting room. Instead we're like {whispering} "are you done with that People Magazine? Oh you're here to see Dr. Smith too. Their the best, aren't they? My vagina used to hate going for a checkup. She would break out in a cold sweat, but not since I started seeing Dr. Smith!" Where else in real life do you have that conversation?

3. Sitting on a public toilet and reading about STD prevention. It's just not something you want to think about at that particular moment. It's a good thing to warn people about, but it just gets you thinking. What's on this toilet? Was someone just sitting here and said to themselves "oh my, I didn't even think about getting a disease from that guy with the icky sores. Maybe I should get checked?!" No, you want delusions that everyone who sat on that toilet before you had a pristine hiney. Nuns. That's who I want to have sat on that toilet before me. Nuns.

4. Elevators! I find elevators to be highly uncomfortable for two reasons. 1) you are in such close quarters with people you sort of feel obligated to talk to them. It's kind of like being locked in a closet with someone and not talking to them. But it's doubly awkward, because you don't know what floor they are getting off on. Maybe your conversation will be cut short! Then you just sound like a buffoon. 2) The elevator is sometimes to full to fit everyone in your family in the car. So then you feel like an idiot for trying to press yourselves into the elevator with all your baby gear. Sometimes you just can't fit, and then you feel dumb for wasting every ones time instead of just sending them on and waiting for the next one.

5. When someone waves from far away and it looks like they are waving at you, but they could be waving at someone behind you. That's awkward! You wave back hesitantly. Unsure if they are waving at you. Only to find out they weren't! This is more embarassing when it's an aquaintance who is really waving at someone they like more than you.


The Smiths said...

This is by far my favorite post of all time!! I love it.

As for the waving back at someone that you think is waving at you. I do that ALOT!! I think that I have perfected the wave/fix your hair move!!! lol