The F word

My son got in trouble at Jazzercise daycare for saying "F***er." I'm so embarrassed. He got that one from me. I've got a bit of a potty mouth. Ok a pretty good one. I'm able to control it in polite company, but when I'm relaxed I really let it go. I was a dispatcher for a trucking company for a while, and that is when I really started cussing a lot. Now that I'm married to a truck driver, well, it's not really helping the situation.

So the daycare lady told me he said that and I did a major face palm. At home when he says those words I say "don't say that it's a grown up word." Obviously that's not cutting it. Besides the fact that I have a really hard time not laughing or at least cracking a smile when he blurts out "oh shit" with perfect timing isn't helping anything. My kids love an audience.

The problem is I don't know if this is irreversible or not. I told Byron that I will try not to say those words if he tries not to say them too. We'll do it together. But it isn't going to be easy! I *heart* the F word. I just do. As a kid I heard both my parents cuss, and my mom has a few stories about how I embarrassed her with my inopportune use of the words. So I guess paybacks really are a bitch. (See I just cussed. DOH!) Then as I grew up I didn't use those words until I was pretty much grown, and if I did it was never in front of adults. So somewhere along the lines I learned how to keep my mouth shut at the right times.

So there's another challenge for myself this year. Stop cussing. Okay, only when I get hurt. How hard is it going to be to not say "OUCH! F**K!" when I stub my toe? That's just a natural reaction. You have to say it then. Or what about when you are carrying a load of groceries into the house and the bag breaks and a jar of spaghetti sauce shatters all over the damn (DOH) place ? You have to say "SHIT!" It's just how it's done. Right? What do people who don't cuss say in those situations? Don't tell me they say "shoot" or "fudge," because those are basically the same thing, or so I've been told. Maybe I'll start saying what Thomas says "CINDERS AND ASHES!" Or how about "CHEESE AND CRACKERS!" Is it acceptable to just say the letter of the word? Like "F that! That's BS!"

So many rules...

Hey I just thought of a good original one "SALT & VINEGAR CHIPS!" "TOILET SCRUBBER!" (That's a really dirty one.) Got any ideas for more?

Things I Don't Understand

1) Women who get all done up for work outs. I've got one or two of these offenders at Jazzercise, but there is one that is really over the top. It looks like she spends an hour getting ready to go sweat. Her hair is short and all styled up with LOTS of hairspray. She wears hoop earrings, and color coordinated eye shadow. Why? That is a whole lot of work for it to run down your face, go home and shower, and have to do it all over again. I understand a little mascara or light colored shadow on a puffy eye day, because those are quick fixes to pillow face. Give yourself a break, and go to the gym with the bear minimum on. You deserve it. If you're married you shouldn't be trying to impress anyone, and if you're single the guys at the gym are probably gay or players.

2) People Offended by Fat People. There are some people who are just offended by the weirdest things. Why would a fat person offend you? Is it because you think it is unacceptable to be fat or you're afraid you might be fat someday, so you are like "ugh, I will NEVER be fat." Never say never, then it will REALLY happen to you! It's like a jinx. If you don't send this blog link to 7 people you will gain 50lbs this year. Or maybe you're secretly jealous that they can eat a whole cheesecake and no one will blink.

But seriously, if a person is overweight they are usually upset enough inside, and don't need your comments. Just move along...

3) Tattoos. I don't get them. People get some really strange things tattooed on their body. Like a naked chick with her legs spread open that covers your whole back. What is that about? It makes me think you either a) never get any of that stuff betwixt her legs, so you're over compensating or b) you were drunk off your ass and your friends thought it would be hilarious. I realize that a majority of people who do tattoos are artists, and can create some amazing things on your tender canvas. But as a needle phobe...and a hepatitis phobe...I have to decline the invitation. Besides I have never thought of something I would tattoo on my body forever. But to each their own!

4) People who were cool in high school and never got over themselves. I'm planning my 10 year reunion and while there are so many people that have changed a lot, in a good way, there are some that haven't. No one cares if you were the sports star, or had the prettiest hair in school. You're just another person. Sorry to break it to you. A handful of people from our class are above average in the job category...and if you have time to read my blog it's probably not you. :) Not that I don't appreciate the readership. In fact if you're reading this I really really like you. It's not you I'm talking about. You're awesome.

Parking Challenged?

This is just a little rant. There is another Jazzerciser that is really getting on my nerves with her parking. For this we may need a diagram to illustrate the inconsiderate style in which this person parks. I know exactly who she is because I've seen her be one of the first people there, and park in the same inconsiderate manner every time. She's relatively new like I am, and I don't see how she couldn't notice the general parking order. Okay here is my diagram:

# # # # (She is the 8) (Okay this shit isn't working. The bottom 2 # should be over 2 spaces)

# #

8

Now notice how her parking takes up 2 MARKED spaces, and it also blocks the lane behind and messes up the parking situation there. I don't want to be the one to say something to her, and be "that bitch." It should be obvious that her parking sense is a little "off." But no, she's noticed other people pull in after her, and yet she doesn't try to correct it or correct it the next day! RUDE! It makes me think that I won't like her as a person either. Is that weird? I find myself thinking "if she's that inconsiderate about parking imagine how she would be about everything else?" I find myself glaring at her car as I pull in, and I don't know why this bothers me so much. Maybe I've just found a new pet peeve?

Jazzercise

I know many people have their preset judgements about Jazzercise. That there is nothing but spandex, leg warmers, and high cut bodysuits as far as the eye can see. While there is spandex on some people it is not the really tight hot pink you might imagine. Jazzercise actually has their own line of workout clothing, and a good portion of the long-term members own at least one pair of pants that say JAZZERCISE across the butt. I joke I joke...It's in small letters on the hip of the pant or front of the shirts...very tasteful.

Most people probably imagine that there is nothing but a sea of stick thin women in spandex "feeling the burn." But really there are several types of people that go to Jazzercise. One of them is the thin person wearing spandex that you wonder if they got thin by doing Jazzercise or if they have always been that way. There are the old ladies who you think might die of a heart attack when you see them walk in, but manage to out Jazz you in their spandex. Finally, there are the people like me, who aren't comfortable in spandex yet...I'm sure I'll get there...so we wear sweats and a t-shirt and wish we could fit in the spandex spaghetti strap tank tops that adorn the thinner members. Most of us sweat pants wearing ladies, are also the ones that drop the kids off at daycare when we come in, so at least we have a small excuse.

I'm the only one at Jazzercise that doesn't wear shoes. I can't. My feet fall asleep every time I wear them, and I've tried 3 different pair. So I just go in my socks. I don't know why more people don't do it in their socks.

When I first started going I felt like I had 2 left feet, but day by day I get the moves down, and an even better workout. I'm really loving Jazzercise actually. My background in dance, and my love of music is being renewed there. Don't let the spandex fool you. It is a GREAT workout in 60 minutes. I feel like a million bucks when I'm done, and the women there are so wonderful and fun.

Did you know Cheryl Burke from Dancing With The Stars is their new spokes model? Check it out! www.jazzercise.com